56. THE WHISTLE-BLOWER

That last trip to North India was an eye opener on that charity I was involved in. When family members are roped into the 'business' one can imagine the scenario. What started as a dream for its founder is now about ambition........to grow bigger.

A sister of its founder, who lives with several kids, bullies them and they live in fear of her. Her ill-treatment of them left me disgusted, I brought it up which of course made me a threat to her and it became unpleasant to stay on to say the least.

Another sister handles the cash. As the generous Singaporeans go about their busy daily lives in Singapore, are they able to see what's taking place over in India?

There's something about the folks over there - there's always this politics of power and control, they seem to thrive on this power play whether in Government, companies or within their families.

I left with a heavy heart last January. My kids asked if I'll be back, I had to say no but I promised them I'll do whatever's within my power to help them. They told me they did'nt want to live with their 'aunt', I said I understand.

The matter is now before a government agency. My courage of conviction - putting my head on the chopping board - was not appreciated by my 'friends' perhaps they were afraid the publicity would mean their friends, colleagues and families would feel cheated they parted with their hard-earned money towards this charity. 

I should feel it more, going there on my own time and expense, meeting potential donors and writing in for funding. At least when I saw things were not right, I wasn't afraid to be the whistle-blower. It would have been so very easy to walk away and pretend I know nothing.

My guy friends support me in this and appreciate my guts. My female 'friends' revealed their true colors by getting influenced by the charity's founder and his gifts (read: bribes) to one of them at least, who now acts as his representative. What was that I just wrote about the politics of control?

Time to move on with these girls, wonder if they have the same courage of conviction as I have to appear before the government agency to tell them I'm a liar and that I made everything up? They must be losing it - to endorse the mistreatment of disadvantaged young people by their guardian as acceptable behavior and the non-accountability of public funds as good. Geez.

Link:
Post 50 - Alone but not Lonely
Post 52 - Memories are made of These

55. AM LOVING IT!

Link: Post 15 - Living the Teachings
Post 24 - The Beast in Men

Never thought I'll ever say I love my job...but I truly do. Looking after my retards fulfill me somewhat. We are like kindred spirits - perhaps they see me as a fellow retard - to be able to connect with them so naturally.

They are actually attracted to me...! Many don't speak but they are able to show recognition and affection. They come to me to touch me, hold my hands, 'salute' in their own special ways with a thumb or finger as in ET, give me a drooling toothless smile...and I find it so comforting, not grossed out by their drool, their repulsiveness, their odour, for there are some whose families don't wash them before sending them out to the center. These are the poorer families referred to the center by social workers

As I watch them these past months, I see souls trapped in their body prisons, unable to express themselves. When one sobbed quietly when he's otherwise always smiling and laughing, everybody thought he was in some pain, what I saw was a tortured soul, all I could do was dry his tears and took him for a walk around the compound.

Unenlightened souls who lived in ignorance in their previous lives return to a new incarnation with bodies and minds that aren't working too good. 

They have animalistic attributes - they drool, they don't speak, they just grunt, snort or squeal, several are naturally toothless, several gobble up their food without chewing, they pick up food particles from the floor and pop that into their mouths and never seem to fall ill, several pee wherever they are standing, one bites another scratches when they act up.

Most are nocturnal creatures, they walk around their homes late into the night, sleep very little, if at all, one leaves his home when everybody's gone to bed and rummages through garbage bins along the street where he lives...

The beautiful thing is, they are not controlled by their minds. They're such pure and innocent souls, truly children ( all are adults ) truly 'Gods' in the making. Their minds are not capable of deceit nor evil, they can't lie, can't swear. 

When there was a scabies scare recently, everyday we checked them for skin breakouts, they stripped down to their birthday suits without hesitation and stand in a line like in an ID parade displaying their family jewels in their full glory - no sweat!

The center is run like a church, unfortunately. The culture stinks. All my colleagues are Christians, have been with this place 10 years average. I thought I had stumbled into a time warp, it's unbelievable how closed their minds are, how little they seem to know about what's going on in the world around them or even in Singapore. I'm unable to have a truly mentally stimulating conversation where I can bounce off some ideas. I'm such a misfit but the few close ones I've befriended make life here bearable, they think I'm a breath of fresh air in this bubble. The rest must think I'm possessed by the 'devil'. (Who, me?)

I love my job serving my retards and there's a reason I'm sure, for mine being here. I detach from the cult members and the cult culture of this place and simply BE and enjoy my time here.