55. AM LOVING IT!

Link: Post 15 - Living the Teachings
Post 24 - The Beast in Men

Never thought I'll ever say I love my job...but I truly do. Looking after my retards fulfill me somewhat. We are like kindred spirits - perhaps they see me as a fellow retard - to be able to connect with them so naturally.

They are actually attracted to me...! Many don't speak but they are able to show recognition and affection. They come to me to touch me, hold my hands, 'salute' in their own special ways with a thumb or finger as in ET, give me a drooling toothless smile...and I find it so comforting, not grossed out by their drool, their repulsiveness, their odour, for there are some whose families don't wash them before sending them out to the center. These are the poorer families referred to the center by social workers

As I watch them these past months, I see souls trapped in their body prisons, unable to express themselves. When one sobbed quietly when he's otherwise always smiling and laughing, everybody thought he was in some pain, what I saw was a tortured soul, all I could do was dry his tears and took him for a walk around the compound.

Unenlightened souls who lived in ignorance in their previous lives return to a new incarnation with bodies and minds that aren't working too good. 

They have animalistic attributes - they drool, they don't speak, they just grunt, snort or squeal, several are naturally toothless, several gobble up their food without chewing, they pick up food particles from the floor and pop that into their mouths and never seem to fall ill, several pee wherever they are standing, one bites another scratches when they act up.

Most are nocturnal creatures, they walk around their homes late into the night, sleep very little, if at all, one leaves his home when everybody's gone to bed and rummages through garbage bins along the street where he lives...

The beautiful thing is, they are not controlled by their minds. They're such pure and innocent souls, truly children ( all are adults ) truly 'Gods' in the making. Their minds are not capable of deceit nor evil, they can't lie, can't swear. 

When there was a scabies scare recently, everyday we checked them for skin breakouts, they stripped down to their birthday suits without hesitation and stand in a line like in an ID parade displaying their family jewels in their full glory - no sweat!

The center is run like a church, unfortunately. The culture stinks. All my colleagues are Christians, have been with this place 10 years average. I thought I had stumbled into a time warp, it's unbelievable how closed their minds are, how little they seem to know about what's going on in the world around them or even in Singapore. I'm unable to have a truly mentally stimulating conversation where I can bounce off some ideas. I'm such a misfit but the few close ones I've befriended make life here bearable, they think I'm a breath of fresh air in this bubble. The rest must think I'm possessed by the 'devil'. (Who, me?)

I love my job serving my retards and there's a reason I'm sure, for mine being here. I detach from the cult members and the cult culture of this place and simply BE and enjoy my time here.