2. JOURNEY TO SELF REALIZATION

Namaste!

10 years ago, I left organised religion as it did nothing for me - no growth, no fulfilment. I wanted to be pro-active, to take charge of my personal spiritual growth, to be in control and take responsibility for my actions. I did'nt want to be an automaton going through the motion of rituals and ceremonies. I did'nt want to be told how to think and what to do.

At the time I did'nt realise what was happening to me, I simply followed my heart. For a while, I was in limbo, until I took up meditation after reading an ad. I thought it would do me good - the 'blurb' said, improve concentration, reduce stress. I did'nt realise I could have learned meditation for free at some temples.

Anyhow, that weekend changed my life and started me on a journey of self-transformation. I discovered I'm not just a physical body, that I could become a body of Light when all feelings of being physical can vanish.

From behind closed eyes, a bright light shot across from my left temple to the right. It was like sunshine streaming into a room when curtains are drawn open. I was able to 'stare' at its intense brightness without turning away. I imagined my head must surely look like a lightbulb. There was neither voice nor vision, it left me wondering what that was all about. The experience did'nt scare me - I wanted more.

A classmate left for business in India and came back with a book about a holy man in the South. It fascinated me. I've always known he exists and knew him as a Guru. After this first book, I read another. That same week, while waiting in line to order a meal, I saw his picture on the stallholder's cabinet. I had a conversation with the cook and she mentioned a group of people were preparing to visit this guru in India. I was given a number to call - there was to be a briefing that night and departure was just 3 days away. My decision to join them was confirmed when the visa was approved at short notice.

Prior to this briefing, there was devotional singing in Sanskrit. It was my first time yet I wondered where I've heard this before. I did'nt recognise the language at first and listened intently to the beauty of the words and music. I was transported, I felt like I'm floating and that I was alone in that room, which was crowded. I took note of some bald patches of devotees sitting below me for I had a fleeting sensation I was looking down at them from the ceiling.

My first experience with the guru was marvelous. I had several opportunities to sit in the front row and could gawk at him up close and personal. I left knowing that he will reach out to me through the subtle levels. It will be through an inner knowing, an inner realisation and lo! it's been that way these past few years.