21. THREE FUNERALS AND A WEDDING

'Death is the necessary dissolution of imperfect combinations. It is the re-absorption of the rough outline of individual life into the great work of universal life - only the perfect is immortal.
 
It is a bath in oblivion. It is the fountain of youth where on one side plunges old age, and whence on the other issues infancy.

Death is the transfiguration of the living, corpses are but the dead leaves of the Tree of Life which will still have all its leaves in the spring.
The resurrection of men resembles eternally these leaves.
Perishable forms are conditioned by immortal types.

All who have lived upon earth, live there still in new exemplars of their types, but the souls which have surpassed their type receive elsewhere a new form based upon a more perfect type, as they mount ever on the ladder of worlds,  the bad exemplars are broken, and their matter returned into the general mass.'

The Theosophist

The movie, 4 Weddings and a Funeral was a sleeper hit and I enjoyed it tremendously.

I had my own drama from year 2002-2003. Within a short period of 17 months, I laid to rest 3 people closest to me - my husband, father and mother. My husband's sudden passing threw me off kilter, I thought I was strong, I thought I was detached - the reality was quite different. However, as soon as the cremation was over I turned my attention to matters at hand and moved on very quickly. My parents followed soon after but they were pretty aged. I was thankful all 3 did'nt suffer nor linger around becoming vegetables ...........that would have drained me, physically, mentally, emotionally, financially.

Somehow, several years of spiritual practices prepared me for their passing, in quick succession too. I was able to look at death positively, it was just a crossing over, they were going home - to a good place. Regrets I have a few, but too few to mention. I needed to be truly strong and get on with my life and I did, very quickly.
In between the cremations, a nephew married and of course, I attended, I'm not one for superstition nor for a mourning period - that's for those who see death as negative or those burdened with guilt.

I discovered pretty quickly, a woman without a man in the house can be an easy target for rogues and other dubious characters, even friends. 2 married male friends became extra attentive, calling me when they did'nt use to before. I declined their offers of dinner, movies or drinks. We remain friends, but I keep my distance. I changed all phone numbers. We got us a dog.

The only males I allowed into my life were my daughters' guy friends. We got us a darling of a dog and he's being a wonderful watchdog, screening all newcomers at our door with ferocious barking. Other male friends are a handful of fellow pilgrims with whom I chat with over coffee or a meal where I can pick their male brains, to understand better where they're coming from.

Now, 3 years on, I'm about ready to date. I've not been looking as its too exhausting to adjust to another person - I love and enjoy my life too much. Desperate housewife I'm not.

I'm in no rush, Baba will arrange it when the time comes, I'm letting him do the screening/the selection, for this person will have to be a fellow pilgrim, a fellow traveler, a fellow seeker and practitioner of Truth, a soulmate. We must meet on the mental level. He cannot be a clinger expecting things to be done for him or worse, to be served. It will be a friendship based on mutual respect. 

He must enjoy the Arts - concerts, plays, musicals, good books. He must like to bum around 3rd World countries. He must like checking out heritage sites all over the world. He must enjoy art galleries, museums, arthouse movies. He must like picnics by the sea or the gardens with a picnic basket prepared by the both of us. He must also enjoy quiet evenings at home preparing dinner together and dining with my daughters at times, with a good red wine and sparkling conversation.

Needless to say, he must be unattached with grown independent children if any. If he runs his own business or still works, he can't be married to it but is able to get away whenever we need to. He has to be financially independent and secure. He can't be a toyboy, someone closer to 50 or 60, with a lucid sharp mind. He must be progressive in his thinking and attitude towards life and always open to learning new things from others including those younger. He must like to keep fit and stretch with me in yoga or pilates, walking and swimming, he can't be a flabby couch potato.

Above all, he must have a wonderful sense of humour and not take life or himself too seriously. He must support my community service by being there with me - even if he dosen't get hands-on, there's always something he can do.

I may need to shop for such a man at the more up-market supermarket. I might find him on one of the shelves for gourmet vegetarian foods. Just open the can - heat - and Viola!

I shall let Baba do the search, his search engine is spot-on and far more powerful.